Tonight I came across an article that stated, "Singleness is a time in which a woman is to cultivate the virtues that pertain to being a woman of God, so that she can offer to her future husband and the world something more than just a pretty face."
Dear friends, please hear me out.
Right after that the writer claims, "Remember in your singleness that you are not the only one single, but your future husband is passing through the same stage as you."
There is so much wrong with this concept that my jaw almost came unhinged at reading through it!
First off, women please never view marriage as a guarantee, or a promise, or something to fight for in your life.
This thinking may be good in "embracing your desire for relationship" (as the author suggests), but please know that viewing marriage as a goal and not fulfilling it with take you down one of two roads: 1. You will dread your single life for good. or 2. You will settle for someone to fill the void (or something) and be even more dissatisfied in the long run.
There is no good way to make myself clear without coming off as someone who doesn't believe in love or marriage.
You see, I WANT marriage someday. I DO, but going back to my previous blog about the penny, my goal isn't that my marriage will be the basis for my fulfilling life. I simply want my marriage (if I do get married) to be apart of my fulfilling life, not the reason my life is fulfilling.
So I understand if at this point you are going to pair me along with Paul (not in the spiritual way of course) in the sense that being single is the better way to go. I'm not saying that, but I'm not really saying that it isn't the way to go either. Confusing? No, I like to view it as open. I don't want to see this time in my life as a waiting period for something bigger and better in the future.
Plus, could you imagine the incredible amount of pressure that puts on the man who does pursue me? I can just picture it, "Thanks for asking me out honey, I just want you to understand that I've waited for you for the past 21 years, so this better be good." First off, that man now has no chance of meeting my expectations, nor do I have a chance of taking our relationship as it comes, rather than throwing a bunch of predetermined requirements on it. How many of you have that list that you were told to make in middle school of the man you want to marry?
I don't think that is always a bad thing. One of my friends told me that the man she is now engaged to met every single number on that list. I think it is good to have a picture of what you want, but please I beg of you pray for discernment in creating that list. I remember having to do a project in my Health and Wellness class Freshmen year, making my own list.
I'm pretty sure my favorites on the list were, "Has to buy me and Alaskan Husky." and "Must like fun dip sugar because I only like the stick part and can't waste the money." Girls, please do yourselves a favor and stop putting ridiculous expectations on the boys trying to gain your attention. I'm not going to tell you what to look for just yet, but I really do encourage you to go back to those lists, and think about what you are looking for.
Now that THAT tangent is over, back to the article. Whoever told women that this time (being single) in their life is so that they can become what they are looking for (the list tangent) should be seriously talked to. It is a great hope to give women the idealistic dream that if they just make themselves better, they will be blessed with a boyfriend. I think it is actually rather rude and a bit selfish.
Later on the writer states, "Could it be (being single) that God extend our time of singleness so that we might find our life in Him and learn to be complete in Him?"
I by no means agree with that point.
It gives women the idea that being single is a punishment, and when we are to a point of being "good enough" in God's eyes, He will bless us with a husband.
Ladies, stop focusing on the objective of finding someone and instead focus on the beauty of the life God has blessed you with, with or without a man.
The early statement about your future husband being in the same point in his life is complete junk. Please don't assume that Mr. Right is out there waiting for you at this current moment, just waiting until YOU are spiritually ready and God gives the okay.
That idea makes God out to look like He gives us good things when we do good. If you really think that you will never see your spiritual growth as drawing you nearer HIM, but drawing you nearer to your future husband which will not end well.
Also, thinking that your future one is out there waiting will hurt you in having false expectations of where he may be. You don't know the physical, emotional, and relational attachments he has had in his life, just like he doesn't know yours as well. Thinking that when you two meet you will both have just been sitting around waiting for each other is somewhat unrealistic.
Many of you who are waiting may hate me right now, and I'm not about to throw it down for being a realistic bigot.
I am just trying to get across the point that you shouldn't be WAITING FOR HIM. You should be driving into God to the point where waiting isn't something you should do or a discipline, it is just apart of who you are. What does that mean?
That means that there is no expectation that at the end of your "waiting" you will get something, but that if you dive into your relationship with God and one day you meet someone, it won't be a trade off, but an opportunity to join someone else's diving in. That to me is relationship.
Lastly, if I haven't offended you already, I want you to remember that physically waiting (which we will get to tomorrow) is awesome, and that my telling you he or she isn't waiting right now isn't to make you run out and find someone to break that patience with. I am just saying that if you want him to be open to God's work through you, physical past and all, please don't assume that he's never been physically or emotionally intimate with someone else.
It will hurt you so much more if you allow that expectation to be in place before you even meet him. Especially when you view your waiting as means for him to have been pure. Life doesn't really work that way, nor does God. Instead, be open to the fact that God can USE life experience to bring you to a better understanding of one another, and to show grace to each other with the lives you have had before meeting.
Obviously this article left me a little bitter, and I don't mean to come off harsh, just open. You can disagree with one to all of my points, but I do want to say that if you enjoy your life now, there really isn't much that you can be disappointed in later. The joy that I'm talking about stems from a deep, solid relationship with Christ, and not for any other purpose then to simply love Him. (The right "him"!) :)
Sleep tight!
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