Have you ever met someone, heard his or her life story and felt an instant connection? It doesn’t even really matter what you chose to talk about after that, because you have just reached the deepest level your friendship will go right off the bat. Okay, that was a bit facetious, but there it truth to that statement.
When I was in high school I used to play this game with the boys that I liked. It was called “The Question Game”, and I’m about 90% sure that the majority of you know exactly what I’m talking about. It starts out super innocent, with questions like, “What is your favorite color?” or “What are you most afraid of?”. As the game progresses though, things get a little hazier in the appropriate department. Before you know it you are asking questions like, “How far have you gone?” or “What is your darkest secret?”. These questions, along with several others serve primary basis for what I like to call, “false intimacy”.
False intimacy, not a thought I came up with on my own by any means, is kind of like a “camp high” in the real world. Have you ever attended a summer camp? It is as though the directors pack as many possible spiritual motivating discussions, worship nights, and emotionally draining cabin times into a weekend, on top of lack of sleep, sugar rushes, and high tensions all to create this inner feeling of both happiness, exhaustion, and excitement.
The moment you get back from camp all you want to do is go back, especially when you realize that there the similarities between reality and your camp experience are few. There is a strong sense of disappointment even that settles once the realization is made.
In the same way, we can share moments in life: spiritually, emotionally, physically, and situational that push us to creating deep bonds with one another that seem to lack relational depth once the experience settles.
This can be most easily depicted as a truffle. If you jumped right into the truffle, riding it of its chocolaty goodness, you’d be rather disappointed when left with the empty outer shell, wouldn’t you? It wouldn’t be the same as experiencing the truffle as a whole, allowing every taste to be just as fulfilling as the next. Plus, if you eat a truffle in one bite, you aren’t only left with a quick but disappointing ending, but also usually accompanied by a stomachache.
The point is that we are living in a fast paced, get to the point now culture. From technology advances to buying sermons for your iPod, we want to hear the truth as quickly and as to the point as possible. This idea of cheating discovery of another person out by jumping to the best part first, leaves relationships with a overall lack of satisfaction, as well as unrealistic expectations that every moment shared will be just the same.
I’ve seen too many individuals recognize this phenomenon, and actually use it to their advantage. Much like my questions game, I soon realized that (given the right discussion topic) I could make any man become rather interested in what I had to say. I would share my deep, thought-provoking, unique ideas on dating that would leave them thinking that I was not only a great catch, but also that we had a “true connection”. It was bad, it was manipulative, and I’m not happy that I did it, but I’m making the point know that you should know better.
The next few blogs will be spent breaking down the practical side of what this looks like in our daily lives. On our Christian college campuses especially (not that isn’t generationally relevant), I see too many people jump into these situations. It especially irks me when women come to me and ask why so and so likes them, when it is a direct result from this sort of thing. I’m not saying that sharing impacting life together is bad, but in regards to being single especially, I believe that appropriate boundaries are necessary. Not only in saving yourself from a potential leading on of someone else, but also in protecting your heart in the process from the “camp high”.
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