Good morning! Oh how good it feels to be back on the keyboard again. I just love that first sip of Skinny Peppermint Mocha from my beautiful red cup. After giving coffee up for three weeks, my body has officially grown a distaste for it black anymore. Now I have to sweeten it up as much as possible just to get a little sweet fix for the week in. I actually threw away over four dollars of java in the trash this week trying to find a way I can still drink it! I used to love coffee, but when I broke it down to its bare minimum and got used to how it tasted, I just didn’t want the yummy stuff anymore. Plus, when I got rid of it as a whole in my life, it just didn’t seem to taste the same when I came back to it again.
Patience. What a funny thing. The Waiting Game, my book hopefully coming out in the spring, is all about patience. I personally stink at it, but at the same time find it somewhat thrilling. Patience implies that you are waiting for something. Anytime we wait for something, we have the temptation of settling for something else. This was always such a frustration when it came to the man I wanted to marry. As a little kid, I started to daydream about my perfect man. He was 6’4”, dark brown hair, baby blue eyes, tan skin, and a smile that screamed Crest Fresh Breath.
As I grew up, I began to pray for him to. I would pray for his heart, his protection, his sexual purity, his knowledge of God’s Word, his heart for a family, his respect of his mother and father, his laughter, his embrace, and his purpose that God has blessed him with. The problem was that as I prayed more for his character, his image began to fade. I remember that as a teenager, my view of what my husband would look like became almost blurred in my imagination…that is everything but his nose. I remember telling a friend in high school that I would know my husband by the ridge of his nose. I still hold true to that today, but it is so much more about what his heart is like.
That being said, it is rather tough to wait for someone who you have no guide to look for, other than that character. And you can’t really know someone’s character until you sit down and invest in them. But what if we could have more of a solid guideline to look for? How often do you hear a Christian woman claim, “God, if you could just give me a first name it would save a lot of heartbreak.” Well, what if I told you I could save you some heartbreak without giving you a name at all?
Think about my coffee addiction. From a young age I have loved coffee. That sweet and tempting aroma that would pull me into any nearby coffee shop, the way the Starbucks cup would fit so comfortably in my hand, the horrible yet cheerful reminder of coffee breath during church service greet your neighbor times. It has been a big part of my life.
When I first decided to alter my coffee lifestyle, I opted for the cheap route. I stripped my coffee of its yummy goodness to straight black. It was bitter, it was somewhat disgusting, but a few drops of my Vanilla Stevia each morning in it, and I was set. It wasn’t what I wanted, but it was a cheap and quick fix to my craving. You see, sometimes when we try and find alternate routes to still getting the same fill for what we want, it can be dissatisfying and even a turn-off. Sure, it isn’t the worst option. I mean it is better than not having coffee at all right? But, it takes a little getting used to, because we are trained to crave the “good stuff”, and the bitterness is unsettling. That bitterness triggers within us the realization that we have to become used to the new fix.
I have seen countless men and women settle for the same thing in relationships. They get so tired of waiting that they throw themselves into a situation that feels a little off, or bitter, but they grow accustomed to it, and therefore it’ll do for the time being. The problem is…they eventually grow tired or wearisome from settling for something that they don’t really want.
After two months of Americanos and regular coffees, my body knew I was dissatisfied with my choice. I decided to rid myself of coffee altogether. This is another approach I’ve seen to patience. Some people take themselves “out of the game” altogether to avoid choosing the wrong person. The problem is that you aren’t going to get to know someone’s character if you aren’t willing to invest some time getting to know them. Sure there is risk, but if there wasn’t then finding someone who truly meets what you need and vice versa wouldn’t be as rewarding.
There is that word again, “need”. This is what is most rewarding slash shocking in my choice to try coffee again. During the time that I gave it up, I found that my body likes something far different from coffee…water. As silly as it may be, my body craves water all the time. I have tried three times now to have a cup of coffee but it just won’t do. I take about three sips and toss it! I just did it again as I was writing this to you. That Skinny Peppermint Mocha…in the trash a few feet from me.
See, I used to love coffee. I LOVED coffee. I grew up on it, much like I grew up on the perfect daydream of what my husband would look like. It was my ideal, and I had grown so used to what I wanted I entirely wrote of what I needed. My body can’t stand coffee now because I have tasted something far better. Something that is unlike anything I have ever wanted, but something that is exactly what I needed.
That is the beauty of patience. See, we can’t kill off any hope in our lives by running away from dating. Nor should we settle for cheap options of what we could get used to. But perhaps if we tried something else, our hearts would realize what they have been missing. My new relationship is thriving, but more importantly I am realizing that it looks nothing like my skinny peppermint mocha, but boy is it perfectly fit for what I need, so much so that my body doesn’t even want the other junk anymore.
Those guidelines shouldn’t be physically looking for a type, or demanding a head’s up from God by a first name, but instead it should be knowing what we need. This starts by trying things other than our ideals, and keeping the biblical expectations that we have of our spouse in place. I’m not saying to go on a drinking rampage trying everything in the fridge, or on the shelf, but I am saying know what character you are looking for in the person you date, and be willing to test out different forms that it may come in.
I guess, for me at least, there really is such a thing as a tall glass of water ;)
Just something to think about,
Love Kendra
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